So this is what 30 feels like, really no different to 29. Still getting asked i.d when I go out and being mistaken for my 21 yr old brother's girlfriend. My body definitely feels 30, especially since I've stopped regular exercise, but I still don't feel that old. Still feel like I have so much life learning to do and still making silly mistakes and mis-judging people. Still a little naive and gullible, I don't think that will ever go away.
For my 30th birthday my mum, for some reason thought it was good timing to have a go at me and tell me how disappointed she is in me and thought saying I love you and hugging me straight after would take the sting out of the words. It did not. It made feel like cancelling our joint birthday that weekend and not giving her, her present. A hand painted suitcase that took me 7 hours to paint. Way to ruin my birthday.......
I know things shouldn't be dwelled on and my dad is always complaining about how long his family hold grudges against each other, but I'm finding it very hard to repair our fractured relationship and every time I think it starts to get back on track she gives me another reason to run away. You can't reason with my mum she is always right, so I'm at a lost to how to fix this. I know it's because she cares, but that reason doesn't offer much condolence. Talking to my friends I'm not the only one with a dysfunctional family, that makes me feel a little better........Now bring on that light bulb moment when I get my shit together and actually work out what I want!
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