I've just finished the book eat pray love and while I'm not in the same place as the author, I feel alot of similarities to her. As my 30th birthday looms only a few weeks away, I ponder where I have ended up and remember when I was in high school, at this age, I thought I'd have the whole hubby, kids and house thing going on. I feel no closer to settling down, much to my mothers disgust and wonder what is the right or wrong thing to do or have at my age or any age for that matter.
Along the way, someone decided it was the right thing to evantually find someone, fall in love, marry, have children and live happily ever after and while all those things are good in theory, and something I may evantually want, it's not for me right now. Is that a bad thing? That I feel like I have a lot of travelling I still want to do and I'm too selfish at the moment to even think about having children? Children are not to be taken lightly, they need and demand all your time and attention. Once you have children your lifestyle changes and I think people totally underestimate the change. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure being a mother is a beautiful thing and to have that kind of bond with something you have created is beautiful, but at the moment, and not for a while yet, it's not for me.
I have been, for a while now as the my blog title suggests lost. Come to a time in my life when I've had enough of my job, enough of Perth and need a change. None of my family understand this and I feel the mixture of fear and upsetting my family is keeping me here. I know it's not a good enough reason to move forward and it's creating resentment towards my mother, which I don't like. Especially just as we are starting to get our relationship back on track. I'm so lost and everyday feels like a constant tug of war within myself. I know I won't be able to keep everyone happy and after trying to keep everyone happy my whole life maybe it's time to be a little selfish and do something for me. If only I knew what.
